Colbert Report screencap with LorrainePretty sure this is the one and only full-face shot of Bennett’s ex-wife.

…if I wanted to really double down on the Colbert parody, I could’ve called her Lorraine. (The real actor Colbert is married to an Evelyn, but Stephen Colbert the fictional pundit refers to his wife as Lorraine. Which is handy for those of us who wrote fic about the character, and would like to keep a safe, well-marked distance between “fic about the in-universe troubled marriage” and “making insinuations about the actor’s home life.”)

Bennett conflates “exaggerated fighting on sitcoms for the jokes” with “healthy conflict and disagreement that good couples work through together” with “bad conflict between two people who are just plain not good for each other.” Poor guy.

Q. To Bennett: What was married life like? How did you meet your wife and end up married to her?

Bennett: We met in high school. Were both in the Young Conservatives. Went to prom together, and then got married, because that’s what you do, right? That’s what normal people do.

Married life was great, except for all the fighting, which sitcoms have taught me is also perfectly normal for heterosexual couples! And they say if you have a relationship problem, the best way to fix it is by getting pregnant — so we did, uh, that. Then there was a car crash and she lost the baby and we got divorced and I don’t want to talk about this anymore.