Mug, labeled: When was the last time you did something for the first time?With all the other character!Colbert parallels, it would’ve made sense to assume “Bennett has been finding his way into secret on-the-down-low sex with men since puberty.”

Not this guy, though. He was a champ at keeping the repression going.

So don’t worry, Cohen, you got the coveted spot of “first person Bennett’s slept with that he was actually attracted to.” You have his mind perma-blown, here.

Cohen: You think the end of the world is coming and you didn’t warn me?! I thought we were frenemies! I thought we had a nice respectful enemy-mine thing going on!

Walker: What can I say? You’re not that important to me after all. Maybe if you were better in bed . . .

Cohen: . . . so please, don’t shut me out of your plans for the apocalypse, even if what we just did was in any way a letdown.

Bennett: You have nothing to worry about.