Hardware aisle 15: lubricants, rope and chain, screws, tie downsSparrow’s stepmother won’t appear until chapter 25, but most of her panel time was in bonuses and memes anyway. Starting with this one, about how Sharon (with kid!Sparrow in tow) met her future wife.

Cute Butch Stepmom wasn’t major enough to need any specific name for plot-related reasons, so I threw it to readers for nominations. Ended up settling on Constance — Connie for short.

Constance (thinking): Cutie in the paint aisle!


Constance: Heyyy…can I help you find something?

Sharon: Yes, please!

I’m trying to figure out what supplies I need to paint my daughter’s room. She’s right over–


[8-year-old Sparrow]

Sharon: You could have knocked over that whole display! And cracked your head open!

Sparrow: Well I didn’t, so what’s the problem?

Sharon: You stay right next to me from now on.

Sparrow: You know, Mom, if you keep being this bossy you’ll never get a girlfriend.

Constance (thinking): Don’t bet on it, kid.